Note To Self: I am Well. Therefore, I Bloom.
Through some of my most painstaking times, I’ve wildly found the courage to write a little note to self that would change my life forever.
“I am well. Therefore, I bloom.”
Writing and reciting affirmations have never really been my cup of tea. The practice always felt tedious and fabricated. Anyone can say “I am . . .”, but the difference with me lied within my faith and whether or not I actually believed I was able to be and or become what I was affirming. The irony of it all, was me not realizing the art of manifestation and how the power of affirmations are the very root to giving life to everything I dreamed of for myself, my relationships and career.
Upon recently graduating college this May, the good ole’ post-grad depression has hit its peak (more on this later). I guess it didn’t really help that I had a change of heart on what I wanted to do with my life and career post-graduation during senior year… but if I’m being honest four years, during the infancy of my self-development stage at 17 years old, I now feel cursed for changing my mind over a thousand times on what I thought was best for me.
Summer’s here at the end of the road and I still have no luck in securing full-time employment. Although still very young in my 20 something’s with the world in my hands, where exactly do I begin if no one’s willing to give me a chance? As I sit with this question on my mind daily, it dawned on me that I’ve been surrendering my power to employers who only know my name from a sheet of paper and my most updated LinkedIn biography. So how exactly do I move on, grab my confidence, self-worth and go? With my cup half filled with fear… what will it take to runneth over with ease and assurance that better days are on the way?
If I’m being honest, it’s taken and will continue to take nights full of tears, hands writhing from writing my heart out in my journal, weekends of solitude and hours gazing in the mirror searching for more than what I see staring back at me. But for what this piece is worth, I want to highlight the meaning of my note to self and how it can change your life too.
To be well is to be accepting of where you’ve come from and fearless of where you’re going. To be well simply means to be. To be still. To be in pain. To be love. To be free. And to be whatever brings you comfort and contentment. I am well, because I have good. And I know I have good because I aspire to do good. I know that I am well because I never allowed the endless rejection letters from employers to steer me away from my dreams and purpose. The beauty in being well is that the focus is all on me. I’ve grappled with the concept of self-love and questioned how do I show up for myself in the world? I’ve also questioned what my self-care looks like while in my solitude and no one around me to give me a boost.
And therefore, through much self-searching and constantly asking the questions that only I can answer… I bloom.
I bloom because in being well, I’ve allowed the thunderstorms to pour and nourish me for survival. I bloom because within this storm I know what its like to be hidden from the light of the sun. What strikes me most is that through my season of bloom, I’ve budded alone and not once worried about the growth of anyone around me.
“A flower does not think of think of competing with the flowers next to it. It just blooms.”
Because I have good regardless of my bad, I am well.
I am well because I fill my cup with my truths and practice the art of being. Being no one and nothing more than who I am.
Most days I lack self-confidence, but I am growing. Other days I start over and learn new ways to love myself again, but I am growing. Flowers breed a delicacy rather similar to the kindness and compassion I am also learning to have for myself. This is my budding season and in this season I hold a much stronger faith of where I am going. Therefore, I am blooming.